


The C-Word

by Caito_Potato



Category: Rent - Larson
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-06 05:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11029266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caito_Potato/pseuds/Caito_Potato
Summary: Marks dying, Rogers been gone Six months, Mimi and Collins are dead, Maureen and Joanne are trying to fill the holes."Mark lay quietly in the apartment. He clutched his camera close to his chest, sighing softly, listening to the answering machine. It had gone off like that every few hours, messages from the same three over and over and over. He sighed once more, struggling to sit up properly, his head spinning. He steadied himself, groaning softly as he covered his mouth. He took a sharp breath, and let it out slowly. He was OK. This was OK."





	1. First time since the last time

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here this is I guess... First off this is my first Rent fic, I'm playing Mark in a production of rent that's happening, so I feel I know at least how to portray Mark properly, but yeah, I'm sorry if it sucks, I've only known about RENT for like... 4 months or so.

“SPEEEEEAK” 

“Mark? Mark? Hey are you there? Its Maureen… listen, I know you don’t wanna come but… you should maybe just… think about coming to the Café tonight OK? Joanne misses you. I miss you… *sigh* …Ok, call me later. Please.”

BEEP

"Mark? Darling, its your mother! Please call me Mark, I haven’t heard from you since you called to tell me Roger left-… sorry sweetie I didn’t mean to say that… I love you Mark, please call.”

BEEP

"Mark, its Joanne… I know Maureen called earlier, but I had too to... I’m coming to visit tomorrow… we should go visit Angel, Collins, and Mimi… Its been so long since we’ve all been there I just… please Mark… please. Call us.”

\------

Mark lay quietly in the apartment. He clutched his camera close to his chest, sighing softly, listening to the answering machine. It had gone off like that every few hours, messages from the same three over and over and over. He sighed once more, struggling to sit up properly, his head spinning. He steadied himself, groaning softly as he covered his mouth. He took a sharp breath, and let it out slowly. He was OK. This was OK. 

He ran his fingers idily over his camera, wincing as the gravity of the words finally sunk in. He really should call Maureen and Joanne. They were only worried for him, they meant well, but Mark just felt like they were starting to use him as a mediator again. He really couldn’t handle it. Not right now. Not today. 

His brain then turned its attention to what his mother said. He frowned weakly, tears starting to well up again. How long had it been? At least six months. Roger left after Mimi and Collins died. And only two days after each other. No one saw it coming, and devastation wracked them all. Of course it had. Roger and Mimi had been together for five years up until that point, and Roger only stayed two more days after that, before Mark came home to a note that just read: I’m leaving. Roger 

And that was that. No more Roger. Maureen and Joanne tried to fill the holes three people left, but it was just impossible. Mark remembered them all everyday. It had all been so sudden. One day everyone is perfectly fine, the apartment was full, happy, warm, and the next second, it was freezing, empty, lonely. He hated it here. But he only felt safe here. God he was starting to sound like Roger. 

He sighed once more, god how many times did he have to sigh, shaking as he stood. Trudging to his room, he bumped into a side table, sending papers fluttering off the table. He cursed, bending down to pick them up. He groaned softly at the disheveling of doctors papers. Calling him in for appointments, check ups, all sorts of things that cost money. Things he couldn’t afford. He tossed the papers, continuing to his room, and shifting to lay down for ten minuets. He stared at the ceiling, trying to imagine away the world. He had lost the interest in his movie, lost interest in everything really. 

Finally he sat up. Maybe he should go out with Maureen and Joanne tonight. He should tell them. He should tell them why he was hiding. Why he refused to go out with them. They deserved to know. They really did. He willed himself to get dressed, then call Joannes phone. It rang only once before it was picked up  
“MARK?! Oh my god Mark! You called, you called- shit- Maureen! He called!”   
He could heard Maureen’s screeches in the background, how she was calling out to him, saying hello and the likes. 

“Heh… hey guys, its nice to hear you in um… ‘person’ again… listen, I’ve been thinking I… I’ve been a huge jerk. I want to come out with you guys today… I have to tell you something as well.” 

The line was silent, and for a moment, he thought it may have cut out 

“…Yeah, of course Mark. We’ll come pick you up OK?” 

“Yeah. See you soon.”

And the line went dead. Mark set it down, and ten minuets later Maureen and Joanne bust in the apartment. They take one look at him, both of their faces going pale. Maureen speaks first “…M-Mark… what… you look so- so…” she choked on her words. Mark laughs softly “Sick? Yeah I know.” He swallowed nervously “Its not… I mean, I don’t have… C-Can we talk about this later? Please I… I can’t right now… I need to tell… to tell everyone.” 

They leave five minuets later, and in twenty, they are seated in a circle, Mark, Maureen, Joanne, and three beautiful stones their friend were buried under. Mark took a shaky breath “…Well, as you all know, I’ve been well… for a lack of the term, hermiting in the apartment for like… six months an…” he sighed, rubbing the back of his head, gulping softly “I just… I was so upset, the first month or so really was my mourning, and trying to get used to the apartment but then… I got really sick. For no reason. The heat was still on then, and I… well, more than crackers were in the cupboard on a regular basis, but… that doesn’t matter, forget I said that,” Maureen and Joanne looked so shocked and sick.

“A-Anyway… I went to the clinic, to maybe get some medicine or something, I wanted to know what was making me so sick and… well… I…” he bit his lip, he didn’t want to say it. He really didn’t, but he had to. Maureen and Joanne were all he had left. They cared for him, he knew that. They always would be too. 

Mark sighed, shaking his head, and laughing weakly “…I have brain cancer.” 

Maureen stared, shocked like she really didn’t believe what Mark just said. Joanne was sobbing, shaking her head “No! No Mark, no that’s not possible, shut up you asshole, no. You’re fine. You’re just lying, this is a horrible joke Mark.” Mark just looked at her and shook his head slowly “I wouldn’t lie to you about this Joanne. Not you, not anymore… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… I just… I didn’t know how to tell you guys and… I didn’t want it to be true…” 

Maureen hugged Mark tight “Im sorry, I’m sorry Mark we should have paid more attention!” She sobbed, Mark rubbing her back softly “Shh Maureen shh… its OK… its OK…” Joanne tried to dry her eyes, looking at Mark “…how… how long-?” Mark frowned again “The very most? A two years. Maybe one. Depends on how this type of cancer progresses I guess.” Joanne looked at him disbelief “Wait, you don’t know how aggressive it is?” Mark shook his head “Check ups cost money Joanne. You know I can’t afford that. I have cancer, I know its terminal. That’s it.” He sighed “That’s all I need to know.”

For at least a week, Mark honestly wasn’t sure, Maureen and Joanne stayed in the apartment, tried to get him out, tried to get him to go to the clinics, doctors, anything. Mark refused. He didn’t need that stuff, he couldn’t afford any of it. Currently, Mark was trying to sleep on the couch, Maureen and Joanne had left for the evening, and wouldn’t back for a long while still. 

So Mark was definitely surprised when the loft door squeaked open terribly. He sat up slowly, his head swimming again “Fuck… ugh… what’d you two forget this time?” He half turned, looking towards the door. He almost fell off the couch, his eyes widening. There, standing like a deer in head lights, was Roger. 

Mark blinked slowly, then started laughing “Holy shit. Holyshit this is worse than I thought. I’m hallucinating now. Fuck Maureen was right.” He got up slowly, then walked into the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised when ‘Roger’ followed. Mark stared as the coffee brewed “…so, you gonna try and convince me your real this time too? Cause, I’ve heard that one so many times, I’m kinda over it now.” He sighed “Damn. You’re really life like.” 

‘Roger’ sighed “Its cause I am real Mark. Really real. I…” Mark looked unamused “Yeah no, not working. Roger left. Roger left a long time ago, and he’s not coming back. He wouldn’t come back.” ‘Roger’ looked at him.

“Why not?”

“Cause he’s grieving. He’s moving on. Continuing forwards.” 

“But what if he did come back?” 

Mark barked with laugher “That’s as impossible as me disassembling my Camera. Just as impossible as my recovery.” 

There was a long pause “Recovery?”

Mark scoffed “For something that’s come from my mind, you really ask a lot of questions. You should know what’s happening in there. You’ve been in there.” 

‘Roger' shook his head “Im. Real. How can I make you believe me Mark? I’m sorry I left you, I just… it hurt so bad, I couldn’t stand it anymore, I had to leave the apartment. I just had to.” He sighed “Look, look, call Maureen and Joanne, they’ll prove I’m real.” Mark huffed “Theyre out on a date. I’m not interuppting.” 

They sat in silence for four hours. Finally Maureen and Joanne walked in, quiet. They looked at the two on the couch for a long moment. Joanne spoke first “Um… Mark? You uh… I didn’t know we were having-“ Maureen screamed “YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU!” she launched herself at Roger “YOU’VE DONE THIS! HOW COULD YOU! YOU LEFT YOU ASSHOLE!” Joanne was quick to restrain her “No, Maureen this isn’t the way, pleasse, please…” Mark slowly had the wheels click into place. He turned to Roger, Roger already looking at him. 

Mark stood up silently, Roger right after him, but was stopped by a slap in the face “Don’t you fucking come near me.” He said, low and dangerous before stalking back into his room. Joanne placed a hand on Rogers shoulder “You have explaining to do Roger. A lot of explaining.”


	2. Flashing signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's exhausted, Roger explains, Maureen and Joanne go home

Joanne corralled Roger back to the couch, setting him down gently, and sat beside him. Maureen was confined to a chair in the kitchen, as per Joannes request. Joanne took a soft breath, gently placing her hand on Rogers, who looked so upset and confused. She scoffed internally, think that roger had no right to feel such emotions, not after how he treated them all. But she relented “Roger, talk to us. Why did you leave so suddenly?” 

Roger seemed to snap out of his stupor, blinking at Joanne “…Mimi.” He said softly, but the look Joanne gave him, made him clarify “Her… she’s everywhere here I just… I couldn’t handle it… It was so quiet it hurt… I…” Joanne sighed softly and nodded “I understand Roger, but you need to understand what kind of hell you’ve put us all through. We thought we lost you. We almost lost Mark too. He’s had the hardest time with this Roger. At least Maureen and I have had each other, but Mark has had no one.” She paused “Well, he has had Maureen and I, but we aren’t the same as you Roger. You’re his best friend. Aren’t you?” 

Roger grimaced “I am… and I’m a fucking awful one. I… I left him to deal with this all alone… didn’t I?” Maureen made a noise of surprise, Joanne looking at her “Roger is… agreeing with something like that?” Joanne sighed “Maureen, you’re not helping.” “Sorry.” 

\-------

Mark shook violently, sitting in his room. He could hear the conversation happening outside, but barely paid any attention. His heart ached and swelled, he was happy, but so so angry. He wanted to punch Roger out, but he wanted to cradle him close and hold him, then sob over how much he was hurting. How much Roger was hurting. 

He decided to take a bath. 

Quietly walking to the bathroom, he shut the door and unwound his scarf. He grimaced at his reflection in the mirror, and turned the water on. Finally he was able to slip into the water, moaning softly as the lukewarm water felt burning hot against his frozen skin. He sunk a bit lower, one hand hanging over the edge of the tub, and he felt so relaxed. No one could blame him for maybe taking a quick nap, now could they?

\-----

Roger still sat on the couch, done with Joanne and Maureen's questioning. He sighed roughly “Look, I get it. I understand, I up and left everyone without a fucking clue as to where I was going, and when I was coming back, but I just had to leave, and when I had the chance to actually sit down without trying to distract myself I… I realized what an idiot I was for leaving my home.” He rubbed his face “Im not gonna go again. I won’t leave New York before I…” he looked at the two women in front of him, Joanne nodding “Of course Roger. M sorry we pushed you so soon but…” she looked at Maureen, waiting for a go ahead. 

Their eyes passed silent communications, Roger completely lost. Maureen finally shook her head, and Joanne sighed “…We just wanted to make sure you were planning on going again.” Roger nodded a bit, then actually looked around, blinking, then straining to listen “…Mark?” He called out, Joanne raising a brow “He went into his room didn’t he?” 

Roger stood up, waving a hand to shush Joanne, Maureen looking confused a moment, then noting the look on Rogers face as he strained to listen out for the other. She slowly went more pale, and started calling out herself “Marky? Sweetie where are you?” 

Roger started striding quickly into the hallway, looking around frantically, throwing open Mark's door, but his bed room but it was empty. He whirled around “MARK!?” he yelled out, rushing to the bathroom door, and flinging it open. 

His head spun.  
Mark was laying in the bathtub.  
So much water  
So red  
Red everywhere  
Dripping on the floor  
In the tub  
Mark was so pale

Roger heard someone scream, then it all went black.

\-------

Maureen reacted first. She had heard that scream before. A scream of pure agony. She ran to the bathroom as fast as she could, Joanne hot on her heels. She almost tripped over Roger as she skidded to a stop, looking up at a confused and extremely worried towel clad Mark. He was knelt down next to Roger, shaking him lightly “Rog? Rog, hey, wake up. Come on…”

Joanne looked bewildered “What… what happened?” Mark looked at her helplessly “I don’t know. I feel asleep in the tub, and I woke up to Roger screaming.” Maureen sighed softly and shook her head, looking at Mark, who stared at her for a moment, then-if possible- went paler.

“Fuck.” Was all he said.

Joanne crossed her arms “Look, I hate to be that girl, but would someone please explain? And maybe pick Roger up off the floor?” Maureen nodded, grabbing Roger, and picking him right up. Mark and Joanne looked so impressed, and Maureen beamed “Yeah, I lift.” 

Once Roger was safety tucked into his bed, Joanne turned on Mark and Maureen “Ok, what the hell was that all about?” Mark chewed on his lip, and Maureen averted her Gaze “…Well,” Mark started “You… you’ve heard about April… yeah?” Joanne nodded “She um… Roger found her in the bathroom.” 

Joanne paused, then nodded solemnly “…He found her, and based on my assumption, his mind twisted you just sleeping in the tub to something… more.” Mark grimaced, nodding slowly “I could see that… I just… why now? Why all of the sudden is he projecting such horrible visions of April dying in the bathtub?” 

Joanne shrugged “Im a lawyer not a therapist Mark… but maybe you should talk to him when he wakes up OK? …And get dressed.” Mark looked down at his towel clad self, and blushed darkly, nodding as he rushed to his room to get dressed. 

He stopped at Rogers room, peeking in, and frowning at the quiet male in the bed. He sighed, going into his own and getting dressed, sitting down heavily once he was. He heard the loft door open and shut, signaling Maureen and Joanne’s departure.

He got up slowly, and walked over and into Rogers room, sitting at his side, and watching him a moment. He felt so bad for Roger, he couldn’t believe that he would have such a horrible flash back like that. Mark berated himself on being so stupid. How could he fall asleep like that? 

As he continued in his thoughts, Roger slowly began to wake up to the world again, and looked up at Mark intensely “…Mark?” He asked cautiously, Mark blinking as he was removed from his thoughts “Roger.” He said, looking at the other, as Roger sat up and clutched him tightly. 

Mark wound his hands around Rogers mid section “…I… I thought…” Mark hushed him “I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t know what I was thinking. I just… I’m falling asleep everywhere lately.” Roger squeezed him a bit, and made a noise “Mark… you’re thin. Like… really fucking thin.” He said, sitting up and pushing Mark back, and pulling his shirt up, Mark squeaking out protests. 

Roger let out an unsteady breath, staring at Mark's abdominal region. Mark was thin. Thinner than he remembered, he blinked, looking at the taunt skin stretched around ribs, only slightly comfortable looking. Mark shoved his shirt back down “Don’t.” he croaked out “Don’t do that Roger.” 

Roger let his hands fall, and looked away “Sorry… sorry I… I have no right to…” he looked around the room “….Its just how I left it?” He asked softly, and Mark nodded “Yeah. I couldn’t bare to move anything in case you…. Ya know…. Came back.” 

Roger looked ashamed “Im sorry Mark, I really am I…” Mark shook his head “No Roger please, no more ap-“ Roger gripped his shoulders “No, Mark, I’m sorry, I left you all by yourself to deal with the deaths of our friends, all because I couldn’t handle the damn silence, when I knew you’d be there to break it…. But I left.” Roger gently brushed a hand through Mark's dirty blond hair, relishing in the softness, and the wet droplets that gathered in his fingers. 

Roger stared at Mark for a while, Mark trying to gather his words, and not to cry “Roger-“ he managed before his words were covered by the rock stars warm lips.


End file.
